


A Common Language

by radondoran



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Language, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-04
Updated: 2010-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:45:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radondoran/pseuds/radondoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanks to the TARDIS's translation circuit, everyone in the Universe speaks British English.  No, really--everyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Common Language

NORTH DAKOTA, 1885

"Doctor!" said Theodore Roosevelt, with enthusiasm. "So good to see you again! But it isn't another invasion by fish-people from outer space, I hope."

"Nice meeting you again too, T.R.," said the Doctor, visibly wincing at the hearty handshake. "No, nothing like that this time. At least, not as far as I know. Although it would be kind of fun. Actually, I'm here because Amy--Amy Pond, Theodore Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt, Amy Pond."

Roosevelt acknowledged her less forcefully.

"Anyway, she wanted to see the Wild West, and I told her I know just the man to show it to us, and here we are."

"Capital!" Roosevelt exclaimed, rubbing his hands. "You've certainly come to the right place. I was just about to ride out and check up on my fences. Would you two care to join me?"

"Love to!" the Doctor replied. "Wouldn't we, Pond?"

He made to follow Roosevelt out, but Amy caught his arm and held it hard. "We'll be with you in a minute," she said pleasantly. "I just need to have a little chat with my friend here."

She shut the door and rounded on him with a stern glare. "Doctor?" she asked warningly. "Why has Theodore Roosevelt got a Scottish accent?"

The Doctor did not seem to find anything strange about this. "Well, of course he hasn't really," he said. "It's the TARDIS, the, you know, the translation circuit thingy. Translates all languages across space and time so you can understand everybody. Very useful; like most useful things it works so well you don't even notice it's working. I didn't hear you complaining when Vincent van Gogh had a Scottish accent."

"Vincent van Gogh was Dutch!" she said. "Of course you'd have to translate him. But this is America--you know, the wild wild West, cowboys-and-Indians, gunfights at the O.K. Corral?" She mimed dual pistols with her fingers and fired a couple of playful shots at the Doctor. "Shouldn't the people here have authentic American accents?"

"They would, if you were American. It's a telepathic field. At least, I think they would," he mused. "Never actually traveled with any Americans..."

"Alright," Amy interrupted. "So it's this translator circuit, field, whatever. So couldn't you just turn it off?"

"I'd really rather not."

"Why not? It's _America_ , Doctor," she stressed again. "I already speak English."

"Sure," the Doctor agreed; " _you_ do."

Amy goggled at him. "You don't speak English," she repeated incredulously. "Then what do you speak? What are we speaking now?"

"Mostly I speak Gallifreyan. Don't really need anything else, do I?" he asked, in the same Northampton accent he'd had since Amy had met him.

"I guess not," she conceded. And, to be fair, why would a time-traveling space alien speak English, anyway? She'd just never thought about it before. When something works well, you don't even notice it's working.

"Right. Any other questions?"

Amy shrugged broadly. "No, that's good. Well, then--let's go ridin' and ropin' with some British cowboys."

\---

"Doctor," said Roosevelt a few minutes later, as the three of them mounted their horses, "your companion is a most charming young lady. Are you from out East, lass? Your accent sounds New York to me."

Amy smiled at the Doctor. "Something like that."

"Capital!" said Theodore Roosevelt; then, spurring his horse, "Tally ho!"

**Author's Note:**

> (Written after having seen only Series 5 of Doctor Who, and subsequently [and previously] proved to be inaccurate, but I thought it might be an amusing idea nonetheless.)


End file.
